Funny Quotes

• When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did — in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.--Anonymous
• First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.--Steve Martin
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.--Lana Turner
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.--Miles Kington
• If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research.--Wilson Mizner
• A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.--Bob Hope